Category Archives: Ministry Stuff

How To Appropriately Share Frustrations

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Honesty. The Bible is clear about it. There are plenty of places in scripture where we read about the importance of truth and honesty. So, we should always be honest, right?

Well, yes…but it’s very important who we share our honest feelings with. And who we don’t.

I recently experienced a situation where someone shared their honest feelings of frustration, which is generally good, but they shared them with the wrong individuals. And it caused some harm.

So, this got me thinking. I know it’s important to be honest with our thoughts, feelings, frustrations and emotions, but there are some people we should share with, and others we shouldn’t. Here are my thoughts on who we should and shouldn’t share our frustrations with.

Where it’s OK to share frustrations:

  • God
    Duh! You can and should be able to tell God anything. The Apostle Peter said, “cast your anxiety on Him (God) for he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7 NIV). Paul encourages us to “pray about everything” (Philippians 4:6 NLT). It’s always safe to share honest emotions with God.
  • Pastor
    It’s typically OK to share frustrations with trustworthy pastors. We often go to pastors for confession and absolution. It’s their roll in ministry to remind you of God’s forgiveness through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus, and His amazing, boundless love for you.
  • Therapist
    I share lots with my therapist. Much like a pastor, it’s my therapist’s job to listen, not judge, and give wise advice. The therapy office is a safe place to share your stuff.
  • Supervisor
    Your boss is the appropriate person with which to share work frustrations. They typically have a broader perspective than you and might know things you don’t. If they’re a good boss, they’ll listen, and give valuable insight to help ease frustrations.
  • Mentor / Accountability Partner
    God placed trusted people in your life for a reason. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (NIV). Build those trusting accountability relationships. It’s wise, healthy for your soul and cheaper than therapy.

Where it’s not OK to share frustrations:

  • Work Subordinate
    Anyone below you on your company’s Org Chart should be kept from hearing your frustrations. A good supervisor handles workplace issues and stabilizes the work environment. But if the boss shares their frustrations with their employees, it only increases frustration, destabilizes the environment and rattles the workplace culture.
  • Spouse
    I know what you’re saying. “But my spouse is supposed to be my closest confidant. I should be able to tell them anything!” Yes, this is true. But I caution you to be very careful of how much detail you share with your spouse. Sharing feelings is valid. Sharing names and specifics borders on harmful gossip.
  • Volunteer
    As someone with over 35 years of ministry experience, and one who has made several mistakes along the way, never share your frustrations with volunteers. They look to you to boost their spirits. Sharing your frustrations only spreads discouragement.
  • Social Media
    Again, duh! Just don’t do it. I know it’s commonplace to be negative on social media, but it does no good. Resist the temptation to vent and to react with negative emotion. Getting into ideological debates over social media never changed anyone’s mind. It only leads to further negativity and frustration.

So, there you have it. Yes, sharing your frustrations and honest feelings with the right people is healthy for the soul. But sharing with the wrong people is destructive. So be wise. And if you lack wisdom, ask God. He will give it (James 1:5 NIV).

Pastor – Suicide

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I hate writing this. But I feel I need to. Two words that should never go together are “pastor” and “suicide.” But sometimes they do. They did…recently. To a friend of mine.

I just returned from the funeral. I’m glad I went. I had hoped to find a neat, clear answer to the often-unanswerable question, “why?” But the pastor who officiated the memorial service (also a friend of mine) said, “mental health is complicated. Suicide is complicated.” He described it like a heart attack in the brain. Sudden. Shocking. Complicated.

This helped me understand that I may never know why it happened. But here’s what I do know. My friend was loved by so many. He was a wonderful leader. He loved life. He loved the outdoors. He had a significant impact on hundreds of church staff people that represent thousands of lives. He loved the Lord. He loved his family. He was awesome.

One of the themes of today’s service was honesty. So, we talked about it. (I don’t even like to type the word.) But we talked about suicide. Uncomfortable, but, in a way, helpful. It seemed the right thing to do. My friend who conducted the service said he’s come to the conclusion that there’s enough room in his theology to accept the fact that some things just plain suck. Suicide sucks. The painful aftermath left after suicide sucks. Continue reading →

Three Obstacles That Hinder Church Revitalization

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As president of the Society for Church Consulting, I drive our vision to advance and revitalize churches by training leaders and certifying consultants.

Some church leaders don’t pursue certification but simply want to help their churches get better. Other pastors seek help in revitalizing their churches. Regardless of the current health of your church, it’s good to examine church revitalization. Here are three obstacles that hinder health and are important to remember when pursuing church revitalization. Continue reading →

Why A Church Consultant Is Like An NTSB Crash Scene Investigator

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One of my favorite TV programs is Air Disasters on the Smithsonian Channel. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s simply morbid curiosity. (I’m not sure what that says about me.) But every week catastrophic incidents in aviation history are meticulously re-enacted, providing insight into what went wrong and if the crashes and near-disasters could have been prevented.

Accounts from survivors combine with computer images to weave these gripping tales, and expert testimony reveals the reasons behind these events, some of which have resulted in significant changes to aviation safety and regulations.

Each episode features one, lead investigator on the scene from the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) who’s in charge. That person’s job it is to figure out what went wrong and recommend safeguards so it won’t happen again. It’s a very important role.

As the president of the Society for Church Consulting, I help advance and revitalize churches by training leaders and certifying consultants. A trained and certified church consultant is a lot like the lead investigator at the scene of an air disaster. Here are some reasons why.

Data Driven
Just as the lead investigator gathers and analyzes information from the flight data recorder, listens to cockpit voice recordings, and uses computer generated reenactments to get a fact-based, cognitive picture of exactly what happened, a church consultant uses hard data from congregational surveys to help discover possible reasons for the present, difficult situation the church is experiencing. Continue reading →

Managing Change and Maintaining Stability in the New Year

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It’s been said that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I’m not sure who said it and I’m not really sure what it means. But it does remind me that some things, in life and in ministry, always seem to be changing. And other things don’t change. They remain unmoved. They stay the same.

If we’re going to navigate the present and the future in a healthy way, it’s important to realize what things we can expect to change and embrace them with flexibility. And we should know what things are rock-solid, unchangeable realities, and tightly hold on to them with unshakable confidence. Here are a few thoughts about each.

Things that change:

Health
There’s no doubt that COVID-19 has affected us all. Either we’ve gotten it or someone we know and love has. Sadly, many have died. This pandemic has changed the way we think about staying healthy and the way we take care of ourselves.

Continue reading →

Blurred Lines And How To Avoid Them

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Clarity in the church

I obsess over clarity. Why? Because I’ve been in several situations, mostly in churches where a lack of a clear purpose, clear directions and clearly stated goals led to confusion, frustration and wasted time.

I heard someone once say, “what’s pretty clear in the pulpit is muddy in the pews.” That’s probably true. I often wonder how much more effective the church would be if we were clearer about what’s really important.

The need for clarity, however, goes beyond what we preach and communicate on Sundays. It also applies to how leaders run the organizational side of the church.

Lines create boundaries and boundaries create clarity. But sometimes, when lines get blurred, the boundary becomes unclear which leads to confusion. Sometimes, church Human Resources leaders set up position descriptions for their staff that lead to blurred lines. Let me explain.

Blurred lines

Working in a church is weird. If you haven’t worked in a one, just ask someone who has. Here’s why. Because most of the time, your pastor is your boss. That’s weird. It’s a blurred line. Is the Pastor your pastor, or are they your boss?

Similarly, you may have heard it said, “never work with a family member.” Why do people say that? Same reason. It’s a blurred line. Is that person your coworker or is he your brother-in-law?

You can see where it can get interesting…or weird. In the coworker / family member scenario, work issues bleed into family issues. In the coworker / pastor example above, employment issues become spiritual matters. Continue reading →

Contextualizing Our Language And Why It Matters

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When I was in Bible School, I took an Intro. to Missions class. Granted, this was in 1983 and times have changed. But I believe many, if not most, of the principles I learned still apply. In the class, we talked about contextualizing the gospel (putting the good news of Jesus into the context of the people) and the cultural and geographic barriers that hindered this process. We discussed how ministry can be done in one’s own culture, a different culture, or a radically different culture. We hoped to find ways to make the gospel crystal clear, despite these various cultural differences.

Today, the same principles apply. While your church may not be in a different culture than those who attend, the language we sometimes use can cause newcomers to feel like they are radically different from you. This heightens their discomfort and increases the chances that they will leave your church confused, if not frustrated.

It bothers me when people use language I don’t understand. It makes me uncomfortable. Frankly, I find those people a bit obsequious and rather obtuse.

The Apostle Paul wrote about this when he addressed his readers after the Council in Jerusalem in 49 A.D. See Acts chapter 15. The question was, do people first have to become Jewish to become Christian. After much debate, James (the leader of the church in Jerusalem) spoke up and concluded that we “should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God.”

Sometimes our churches make it “difficult” for people to experience God because we make it confusing. Especially in the language we use. We often use so many theological and churchy words and phrases it makes those who did not grow up in the church feel like, well, foreigners. Continue reading →

The Secret Ingredient To Your Success…That You Have No Control Over

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Many people hold many jobs over a lifetime. Gone are the days when one graduated from college and moved into a lifelong career with a great company. According to a January 2018 report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average person changes jobs an average of 12 times during his or her career.

The same can be said of ministry positions in the church. It’s rare to see a Pastor’s whole ministry career lived out at one church. In fact, it’s quite common for church employees to move on from a church more than once. Whether a person moves on of their own volition or if they’re forced out, ministry job movement is a reality in our world.

Sometimes people move on based on poor performance. But more often it’s a chemistry thing. Getting along well with others is crucial in every work environment, including the church. So, the secret to maintaining a longer lasting career at a church or business is, you guessed it, chemistry.

Since on-the-job chemistry is so important, let’s dive a little deeper into this crucial, sometimes illusive relational component.

What is it?: A click

Chemistry is defined as the branch of science that deals with the identification of material substances and the investigation of their properties and the ways in which they interact, combine, and change.

Relational chemistry can be defined as the emotion that people get when they share a special connection. You’ve felt it. For whatever reason, you simply like a person. You click. Maybe it’s a coworker or a friend. Or maybe it’s a romantic interest. Oftentimes you can’t put your finger on why, it’s just there. Your relationship just works.

How to develop it: You can’t

Here’s the interesting part. You have very little (if any) control over relational chemistry. You can’t really develop it as you would develop a skill. Sure, you can try to be nice around people, but if there’s no click, it’s just not there. The relationship may remain cordial but will most likely never be close. It’s just the way it is.

I’ve had great relational chemistry with a wide variety of people. Folks who are very much like me, and folks who are quite different from me. And I’m not sure why that is. Chemistry seems to be very unpredictable. Continue reading →

Three Key Elements of Effective Story Telling

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A while ago, I wrote a blog about Three Preaching Essential to Reach Today’s Culture. In it I wrote about the Word, Story and Humor. Today I want to dive deeper into one key element of communication: story.

Stories have always been powerful communication tools. Some people possess a vocal tonality that naturally lends itself to storytelling. Think about James Earl Jones, Garrison Keillor or Morgan Freeman. You feel compelled to listen to their stories because their voice sound so good.

Successful movie producers have mastered the art of storytelling on film. Prominent authors have skillfully used stories to capture the imagination of their readers.

Of course, Jesus of Nazareth was the most influential storyteller in history. He told stories of fathers, farmers, and fishermen. He told parables of hidden treasures on earth and lasting treasures in Heaven. He captivated his audiences with tales of shrewd money managers, persistent widows, proud Pharisees, and hated tax collectors. He made heroes out of outcasts and stars out of sinners.

Great communicators throughout history have skillfully used stories to draw in their audience. Pastors of today use stories to reinforce the point they are making. Motivational speakers use stories to compel their audience to act. They make it look easy. But it’s not.

Preparing and delivering an effective story takes work and practice. But storytelling remains one of the most effective methods of engaging communication. With that said, here are three key elements of effective storytelling.

Tension
Build some tension into your stories. Use excitement, fear, anxiety, joy or any other emotion that people can relate to. Tension helps draw people into the story and entices them to listen. Simply put, people will pay attention if there’s tension.

Jesus masterfully built tension in the story of a wayward son. He once told of a young man who left home with his inheritance and ruined his life making unwise choices. Many people, then and now, can relate to the tension in this situation. Jesus went on to tell of how the son came to his senses and planned to return home. His audience surely wondered, if that were my son, how would I respond?

That’s exactly why the use of tension is an effective tool to help draw your audience in. Skillful communicators will raise the tension in the story and then use the main point of their message to bring the tension to a satisfactory conclusion. Continue reading →

Ten Steps To Continuous Improvement

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Have you ever walked into a local business and seen something that lacks professionalism? Then did you ask yourself, I wonder why they don’t improve that? Ever shown up at work, noticed an established process and thought, why do we do it this way?

If so, you may have a maximizer strength like me. I’m always seeing things that could be better. Some call it the spiritual gift of criticism so I always try to put a positive spin on it.

My church has a staff value of “Make It Better.” They are continually in the process of dreaming, creating, implementing, observing, and making improvements.

If you’re always evaluating present realities, envisioning improvements and coming up with ideas on how to make it better, consider incorporating these ten steps of the continuous improvement cycle.

Idea
Everything ever invented, designed or created began with an idea. Ideas usually originate from a problem. Someone notices a problem and they say, wouldn’t it be great if… An idea is the first step in the continuous improvement cycle.

Plan
Someone said an idea without a plan is just a daydream. Ideas need plans before they can progress and become something more. Plans are extremely important. They can take time. But a well thought out plan is crucial for continuous improvement.

Prepare
Once the plan has been completed, you may be tempted to move right into implementation. But before that, you need to prepare. Preparation is a key step in the process. Prepare yourself. Prepare your audience. Prepare those this plan will affect. Preparation will help the execution go smoothly. Continue reading →