I hate writing this. But I feel I need to. Two words that should never go together are “pastor” and “suicide.” But sometimes they do. They did…recently. To a friend of mine.

I just returned from the funeral. I’m glad I went. I had hoped to find a neat, clear answer to the often-unanswerable question, “why?” But the pastor who officiated the memorial service (also a friend of mine) said, “mental health is complicated. Suicide is complicated.” He described it like a heart attack in the brain. Sudden. Shocking. Complicated.

This helped me understand that I may never know why it happened. But here’s what I do know. My friend was loved by so many. He was a wonderful leader. He loved life. He loved the outdoors. He had a significant impact on hundreds of church staff people that represent thousands of lives. He loved the Lord. He loved his family. He was awesome.

One of the themes of today’s service was honesty. So, we talked about it. (I don’t even like to type the word.) But we talked about suicide. Uncomfortable, but, in a way, helpful. It seemed the right thing to do. My friend who conducted the service said he’s come to the conclusion that there’s enough room in his theology to accept the fact that some things just plain suck. Suicide sucks. The painful aftermath left after suicide sucks. Continue reading →